Skip to main content

finally found a few words.

I've been at a loss for words the past couple weeks. Which doesn't happen often to me. I've always been someone who can, for the most part, adequately say what I'm feeling. I speak my mind, even if I really shouldn't. But when the last few months started to fill with visits to the doctors, mri scheduling, needle pokes, events I was missing out on, and time that always seemed to be fleeting; I was at a loss. I haven't been able to explain every emotion. I'm not sure if anyone ever can, but it seemed to me that everything needed to be compartmentalized, and not spoken of. When I found out I was sick, my first reaction was denial. I try to be an optimist, and for a while I convinced myself that being optimistic, in this case, meant pretending that I wasn't sick. It meant that anytime someone asked, I simple told them I was fine and there was nothing to be worried about, but I realized that was my easy out. The easy thing was to pretend that everything was easy. I was pretending that nothing phased me, when in reality, my world was shaken to the core.

I have since decided it was one of those moments. The moments that if you are lucky, teach you a great lesson. It was one of the four or five moments I've had in my life that has truly made me reevaluate everything. It made me focus on the people I love, and on my Savior. These last few months have been completely extraordinary in the most peculiar of ways (both good & quite bad) but I'm grateful for the quiet tender mercies that have come out of these hospital visits, and the not-so-happy days. I'm blessed to have life get quite hectic around this time of year, because it always helps remind me to focus on the most important things. I'm grateful that through the trials that seem to stack on top of each other, I am able to see the blessings so abundantly being given to me. I'm now not living in denial, instead, I'm living in gratitude. And where there was once a loss for words just a few short months ago, now there are plenty of tender mercies to be discussed. This time of year is my favorite, and I'm happy I've been able to relish this life during this month. 

This month has included:
- Twinkling lights
- Fundraising ($16,00 for Christmas Jars- yippeeee)
- Early morning assembly preps
- First kiss
- Many trips to temple square
- My first successful ride on front runner
- Chick- fil- a peppermint shakes
- Another MRI
- Tender mercies
- Kind people (many have been anonymously blessing my life. Thank you.)
- IHOP pancakes
- The sweetest notes
- Countless happy moments
- And especially the focus of our Savior. (Such a truly wonderful thing to focus on)

I've been so richly blessed, and I know that nothing would be possible without Jesus Christ, who was born two thousand years ago in such humble circumstances. I'm grateful that in a few days I will be able to spend time with my family, all thanks to that sweet Savior who was born.

Comments

  1. FIRST KISS????? YAY! Also I was SO happy to see you at CFA. Seriously your smile and happiness is contagious. I LOVE YOU.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehehe yeah... :) Good stuff. Oh yes I love seeing you at CFA!! My sister said, "I can't believe we saw a famous person at CFA!" And she was totally talking about you! Apparently I share your tweets and blog posts with all my family because she thinks you are super duper awesome too! (Doesn't everyone though?) ;) Thanks Courtney! Love you lots and lots!

      Delete
  2. I love you to pieces Kristyn! I love your outlook on this trial you are going through. You will be an inspiration to so many. I love elder Hollands Mormon message called good things to come! There are good things to come for you!
    https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/good-things-to-come-1

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

real talk.

I've been living in Provo now for a few weeks, and everything is actually lovely. I like my cute little apartment that I get to call home. I love my roommates. I like my YSA ward. I've been on a few fun dates, I have a kid sitting next to me in my Eng 2040 class who has the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen. (Like I can't talk to him without completely staring because they are beautiful). I've been able to go zip lining with my stake, swimming with my building, and Disney movie watching after ward prayer on Sundays. Life is really happy, which is something it hasn't been in quite a while for me. But a little too often it hits me. It hits me that a year from now everything will be different. It hits me that my little sister isn't sleeping in the room next to me, it hits me that my brother is probably building something and I don't even know about it. It hits me that at any second my mom could call from the hospital, and it hits me that every time I go ho...

The Cost of Infertility (part 1)

Infertility is a whole lot of things: heartbreaking, hopeful, exhausting, and also expensive.  The obvious cost of infertility is the first one I'm going to talk about on here because its often the one people know a little bit about- the actual financial cost you pay to actually receive infertility treatments. When we started on medications I was actually still seeing an OBGYN. It had been a year of TTC with no luck, so we went to the doctors and started on a treatment plan.  The medications were timed around my cycle and horribly enough, they made me feel like I was pregnant even when I wasn't. They made me nauseous (so there was another med to counteract that) and some made my headaches turn to migraines for 4-5 days straight. (but more on the physical tolls of infertility later...). Luckily, during this phase of our journey, we were only paying about $300 a month for medications and appointment co-pays. We saw that OBGYN doc for nine months before setting up an appointment ...

Senior Advice {27 helpful hints}

To the cute sophomores who will soon be walking down the halls, and the juniors who think they have it all figured out, here are a few handy dandy little things I've learned- 1. Be kind - be kind to your friends, family, teachers, the people who only talk to you sometimes, strangers, and everyone you come across. I promise it will make the biggest difference in your life 2. Smile - smile through the good days, the bad days, the silly days, and all the days in between. Everyone needs a smile, and smiles are contagious :) 3. If you don't know someone who is sitting at your lunch table, meet them. You instantly gain a friend, or at least a familiar face in the hallways 4. If you are stuck in the commons and the bell for lunch rang over 5 minutes ago, simply wait until the last ten minutes of lunch to grab your food or you will be waiting FOREVER . (Or take a friend to wait with you, or make a friend in the lunch line. Either way) 5. Turn in things on time. A 1...