finally found a few words.

I've been at a loss for words the past couple weeks. Which doesn't happen often to me. I've always been someone who can, for the most part, adequately say what I'm feeling. I speak my mind, even if I really shouldn't. But when the last few months started to fill with visits to the doctors, mri scheduling, needle pokes, events I was missing out on, and time that always seemed to be fleeting; I was at a loss. I haven't been able to explain every emotion. I'm not sure if anyone ever can, but it seemed to me that everything needed to be compartmentalized, and not spoken of. When I found out I was sick, my first reaction was denial. I try to be an optimist, and for a while I convinced myself that being optimistic, in this case, meant pretending that I wasn't sick. It meant that anytime someone asked, I simple told them I was fine and there was nothing to be worried about, but I realized that was my easy out. The easy thing was to pretend that everything was easy. I was pretending that nothing phased me, when in reality, my world was shaken to the core.

I have since decided it was one of those moments. The moments that if you are lucky, teach you a great lesson. It was one of the four or five moments I've had in my life that has truly made me reevaluate everything. It made me focus on the people I love, and on my Savior. These last few months have been completely extraordinary in the most peculiar of ways (both good & quite bad) but I'm grateful for the quiet tender mercies that have come out of these hospital visits, and the not-so-happy days. I'm blessed to have life get quite hectic around this time of year, because it always helps remind me to focus on the most important things. I'm grateful that through the trials that seem to stack on top of each other, I am able to see the blessings so abundantly being given to me. I'm now not living in denial, instead, I'm living in gratitude. And where there was once a loss for words just a few short months ago, now there are plenty of tender mercies to be discussed. This time of year is my favorite, and I'm happy I've been able to relish this life during this month. 

This month has included:
- Twinkling lights
- Fundraising ($16,00 for Christmas Jars- yippeeee)
- Early morning assembly preps
- First kiss
- Many trips to temple square
- My first successful ride on front runner
- Chick- fil- a peppermint shakes
- Another MRI
- Tender mercies
- Kind people (many have been anonymously blessing my life. Thank you.)
- IHOP pancakes
- The sweetest notes
- Countless happy moments
- And especially the focus of our Savior. (Such a truly wonderful thing to focus on)

I've been so richly blessed, and I know that nothing would be possible without Jesus Christ, who was born two thousand years ago in such humble circumstances. I'm grateful that in a few days I will be able to spend time with my family, all thanks to that sweet Savior who was born.