Skip to main content

an open letter {to the ones I love & miss}

Hey you,
I hope you are doing okay.
I hope that you are loving your life, wherever you might be.
Hopefully you are still sewing, and making your famous chocolate pie.
The world is truly missing lots if you never followed the dreams we talked about
I hope you are still practicing the guitar, I know how happy it made you too
My heart has honestly been a little bit broken since you left, and I think it might always be that way
It hurts that we never fully got to say goodbye
But then again, I don't think anyone is ever fully satisfied with goodbye in the end

I hope that you miss me too, at least a little bit.
Maybe when you hear that one song, I'll flash in your memory
Even if it is only for a brief moment
After all, one brief moment with you was always better than none
Truthfully when I think of you, tears usually follow close behind
Sweet memories are something you left me with, but still, tears always brim my eyes.
I miss you lots and lots
I believe that it's one thing that will never change.
Thanks for being in my life, even if you had to go so soon.
So please, lets meet again sometime because you might not know yet, that you are missing me too.

love,
the one who still has a piece of you carried forever in her heart

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Cost of Infertility (part 1)

Infertility is a whole lot of things: heartbreaking, hopeful, exhausting, and also expensive.  The obvious cost of infertility is the first one I'm going to talk about on here because its often the one people know a little bit about- the actual financial cost you pay to actually receive infertility treatments. When we started on medications I was actually still seeing an OBGYN. It had been a year of TTC with no luck, so we went to the doctors and started on a treatment plan.  The medications were timed around my cycle and horribly enough, they made me feel like I was pregnant even when I wasn't. They made me nauseous (so there was another med to counteract that) and some made my headaches turn to migraines for 4-5 days straight. (but more on the physical tolls of infertility later...). Luckily, during this phase of our journey, we were only paying about $300 a month for medications and appointment co-pays. We saw that OBGYN doc for nine months before setting up an appointment ...

real talk.

I've been living in Provo now for a few weeks, and everything is actually lovely. I like my cute little apartment that I get to call home. I love my roommates. I like my YSA ward. I've been on a few fun dates, I have a kid sitting next to me in my Eng 2040 class who has the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen. (Like I can't talk to him without completely staring because they are beautiful). I've been able to go zip lining with my stake, swimming with my building, and Disney movie watching after ward prayer on Sundays. Life is really happy, which is something it hasn't been in quite a while for me. But a little too often it hits me. It hits me that a year from now everything will be different. It hits me that my little sister isn't sleeping in the room next to me, it hits me that my brother is probably building something and I don't even know about it. It hits me that at any second my mom could call from the hospital, and it hits me that every time I go ho...

Living with cancer

Today I walked to the bed just so I could lay down to smell the pillows. It seems like such a silly thing but I know that one day I will miss the way the pillows are lain after being slept on, and the way they smell just like one of my favorite people. I walked passed the mirror on the way out of the room, and I paused for a moment because even my own face looks a little bit older, and a little more fragile then it did just a few months before all of this.  I guess that's just what it's like, living with cancer. Living with something that doesn't ever totally go away, something that is constantly in your home, and on your mind. The days end up being scheduled to fit around the doctor appointments. The mail begins to only consist of medical bills, and brochures declaring possibilities for treatments. Even the well meaning texts stop getting answered simply because time is being preoccupied with continuous care. The quiet moments become rare and too sad to often bare ...